When I was 16 I felt sure I was on this very clear path, for the rest of my life. It affects me in different ways at different times. As unique, creative individuals, they tend to resent authority, and are sometimes stubborn, proud, and impatient.
dodie tour nashville – In The Middle (Acoustic)
A very talented youtuber (doddleoddle) who is very open to her audience about her depression and depersonalisation. And yet for one so hungry for attention online, she makes a surprisingly soft impact as a performer IRL, her slight voice often smothered by the crowd singing along to her every word. With morose ballads as a mainstay, such as Sick of Losing Soulmates and Burned Out, it’s difficult to imagine Clark bursting out of the YouTube bubble any time soon. If she does, she’ll need to develop a thicker skin – admitting to feeling a little bit shit” because she got a three-star review isn’t a good look.
dodie: I definitely understand it though, because I did grow up online. Basically, I don’t want to get mixed up with people who made YouTube videos solely, and then decided they wanted to make music for fun. Because my music has very much been intertwined with my videos since the beginning. I don’t mind the word YouTuber,” or being called a YouTuber. It would be dumb to hide and say that I wasn’t, or that I’m not, because I still enjoy YouTube sometimes. It’s a little weird now, but it’s still really fun to sit down and make a video. So I don’t mind, I guess it’s just an easy title to say.
I think I do it because I’m so desperate for people to understand me,” she says in her soft, mellifluous Epping brogue. And maybe also that way I can learn to understand myself. I used to be a compulsive liar. I’d make up stupid things – oh, I’m allergic to bees, I go to school on Sundays – just dumb things to make people think I was cool and interesting.
dodie: Definitely not with music. I don’t know, sometimes I’m like do I really want this as my career? Because I love it so much, and it’s always been that way with me. It’s tough when in interviews people ask, What’s your hobby? What gives you joy?” And I just say, music is my life.” I don’t know, but I always come back to Well, why not?” It’s the perfect thing.
At 18 I was a shell of a normal girl. There was just one overriding emotion: a vacuous, overwhelming feeling of despair. After a few months of empty smiles and dark headaches I asked my mum to book me an appointment with the doctor.
Most people say less is more” when they’re teaching you how to be creative—but for me, I found something like school quite difficult for that reason. People would be closing me down a lot, saying, That’s too crazy.” But I loved pushing things as far as they could possibly go. That’s what my four-album epic is all about: trying to elevate my own knowledge, but also distill it into something that I can look back on and be proud of. A journey of things that are possible in the music world—every genre under the sun is covered.
You both started out on YouTube, so fans probably feel like they know you already. It’s intimate to see inside your bedrooms and spend all this time with you there, so you’re not some distant pop stars being controlled by your label or management company.
The result of her experiment with heart-on-sleeve frankness was remarkable. The hundreds of YouTube devotees watching her talk and sing about her life multiplied into thousands, then over a million. They wrote long, yearning love letters to her, sent beautiful, intricate drawings, and posted their own songs inspired by her confessionals.
dodie: Oh, man. Do we really want to start like this? Ok, let me think. What keeps me up at night? My friends talking in the other room. I guess the fear of death will creep in now and again. I think sometimes I’m guilty of thinking about the past a lot and what it used to be like. I feel like I’ve trained myself pretty well to fall asleep pretty quickly. If I’m not feeling great, I’ll be like, Brain, time to turn off, and begin again the next day, just try again.” If I’m feeling good, I feel good enough to sleep.
Dodie is a testament to all aspiring singer-songwriters that you can truly achieve your wildest dreams by simply remaining true and authentic to yourself. With Dodie, it’s her honesty, vulnerability, and willingness to open up about her own struggles with mental health that translate into her beautiful, soothing vocals and storytelling lyrics to match.
Dodie has two channels, doddleoddle and doddlevloggle Most of the videos on her first channel are covers and original songs while the videos on her second channel feature personal chats with her audience about her struggle with mental disorders, sexuality and her life. Dodie has an uncanny ability to connect with people, especially those with mental disorders. She seems genuine and vulnerable in most of her vlogs about mental health issues and about the YouTube community, which is probably why she has gained a huge following online.
Dodie disclosed that she was suffering from acute bronchitis, but in spite of that fact, her voice remained strong. After Guiltless” she spoke a bit about her appreciation of all the fans. Coughing, she shared that although she couldn’t yell her thank-yous, she wanted to mentally send the message out. The house lights came up and she surveyed the crowd. It was a beautiful moment where Dodie absorbed the audience, seeing all of the signs and faces.
JC: Jeez Louise! Well, as we grow older, we learn more and more about the world, and one thing I’ve always believed is that when you’re young, you’re the most infinite, because you don’t know enough to close down your brain. So as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned more about music, but now when I sit down to write songs, my color palette is so big that it’s sometimes hard to focus.
Dodie’s in-depth knowledge of these topics—particularly registered life and annuity insurance regulations and issues—makes her a sought-after speaker at industry conferences. Her years of experience as in-house counsel provides her with a unique and practical understanding of insurance companies’ internal processes and competing business inputs and goals.
dodie: It’s interesting because there are a lot of talented people out there, and now there are so many platforms in which you can get yourself discovered. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think it’s a pretty cool thing – to have the potential to create a portfolio on whatever platform you choose. It’s weird. It’s interesting. It’s terrifying. I’m kind of glad I came to it before, and I got to experience what it was like to have that world in a smaller way.
I have depersonalisation disorder (DPD), a feeling of detachment from reality. It took me years of researching my symptoms to find a Wikipedia page about it and then I spent a day crying with relief that there were other people who felt as I did. It affects me in different ways at different times. The world looks flat and fake and my peripheral vision seems very dark or very light, as though I am looking through a filter.
I’m working on a quadruple album at the moment, Djesse, with about fifty songs total—it’s tons of music. dodie was kind enough to contribute to one of the songs, and I’ve been running around the whole world chasing my favorite musicians, from Africa to Portugal to Holland, and all over the States; there’s everything from orchestras to gospel choirs to folk singers to rock guitar legends to famous rappers and hip-hop stars. It’s a crazy array.
Since I found out about DPD and opened up about my experiences, I have had friend after friend reach out to me saying they know someone who’s been feeling like they’re dreaming all the time or that during conversations they find their souls up on the ceiling rather than in their own body.
dodie: I am trying to write an album. I’m really excited for whatever’s next. I don’t know when this whole body of work will come to fruition, cause I don’t have a lot of time but definitely some exciting things happening.
In June 2017, Dodie announced that she was writing a book. 18 On 2 November 2017, Clark published her autobiographical book titled Secrets for the Mad: Obsessions, Confessions and Life Lessons. Dodie says she still feels “very spaced out and disconnected” but “feels healthier” in how she’s dealing with it.
Thera Marshall, the HIV program manager for Colorado, enthusiastically engaged with audience members to educate and promote the cause, as well as give away a signed dodie poster to a lucky fan. LIFEbeat will also have tables at both the upcoming Charli XCX show at the Ogden Theatre as well as The Chainsmokers show at the Pepsi Center in November.
Dodie’s songs are lyrically complex and emotionally beautiful, juxtaposed over light and floaty melodies. Last Friday I had the exact same feeling. Dodie’s birthday is 11 April 1995, meaning she turned 23 in 2018. Her star sign is Aries.
Whether that’s TikToks on repeat or a seemingly limitless choice of shows to watch on Netflix, or even a music library on Spotify that allows you to listen to songs on repeat as many times as you want, whenever and wherever you want.
That’s not to say that I haven’t listened to their songs many times since then — I’ve listened to I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)” probably a few more times than I’d like to admit — but I haven’t once gone back to those recordings.